Fat Free Mind

I hope everyone had a wonderful Fourth of July! I sure did. I spent my holiday weekend relaxing and recuperating from two weeks of travel.

I had the great fortune, a few weeks ago, to speak at the national conference for the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery on one of my favorite topics, The WLS Stages of Transformation. The final stage is FREEDOM!

With WLS comes a journey–a journey of trials, tribulations, setbacks, and great achievements. Our country and forefathers experienced a similar journey. Becoming an independent country and gaining freedom didn’t automatically make the United States “free,” but it was the initial step and day-to-day struggle that gave us small glimpses of freedom. Those glimpses of freedom are what kept our country going, and it’s the same reason why there are troops fighting for us today.

On a daily basis, WLS patients struggle with different emotions, overcoming old habits, and moving forward with their new lifestyle. Ultimately, what we are all trying to get to is that freedom.

Today, I mark July 13, 2004 (the day of my surgery) as my WLS Independence Day.

No matter if I get off track, my WLS Independence Day will remind me of the freedom I so much long for, and gives me a day to be thankful for my freedom from obesity.

I am free to walk. I am free to travel. I am free to enjoy time with my husband and son. I am free from obesity. I am free!

What have you been freed from since your WLS Independence Day?

I have been practicing being kind to myself recently, because I often put others first in my life — to excess. So, one evening I was feeling down and blah, and felt guilty because I didn’t want to make dinner or help my son with homework.

My husband works hard and commutes a shockingly long distance each day, so I felt guilty asking him for help. But on that day, I called my husband and asked him if he’d make dinner for us when he got home and help my son with his homework.

He asked, “Are you sick?” And I told him I just felt yucky emotionally, but felt I needed to take a “sick day” that evening.

He suggested I put on my PJs and get into bed. Not to pretend I’m sick, but to be kind to myself and give myself a break. So, I found a novel on my book shelf, got into bed, and stayed there until that evening when my husband announced dinner was ready. My son even brought me tea in bed.

They really got into it! I think they were happy to see me admit I felt bad and to take care of myself. Also, me being in bed in my PJs when each of them arrived home was a novelty — which I think cracked them up. (I feel so loved when they share a good-natured laugh about me.)

I know not all families are like that, but I gave them a chance to take care of me for a change and they stepped up to the plate.

Maybe the fact that I was honest about how I was feeling made a difference. I don’t know. I don’t take serious “me time” often, so when I do it, they know I really feel bad.

Even if they didn’t agree with my decision, it would have been perfectly okay to “let them down” and take care of myself. They are not helpless, after all.

Have you asked your family to help you take a night off? Make it fun for them, if possible. You will be teaching them how to take care of you, and modeling how to take care of themselves.

If this doens’t make sense for you, is there something else you can do to put some boundaries around your “me time?”

I love this optimistic quote from Lewis Carroll: “Sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.”

Carroll’s imagination brought him ideas that were creative, exciting, daring, and risky - and his heart allowed him to believe the impossible.

As a weight loss surgery patient, you may not feel as optimistic as Carroll. Maybe you are worried you won’t be able to change your old ways enough to do the impossible - to lose all the excess weight and keep it off, and more than that, create a really satisfying life.

Take these three simple steps to bring about the “impossible” in your life:

1. Sort Out What You Really Want

Many people say they want to be thin, or rich, or attractive, or popular. While all these things may be true, they are not the whole of your wants.

As countless unhappy models, movie stars, and millionaires have demonstrated, being any of these things is not a guarantee of contentment and joy.

Set a timer for five minutes and write down in a journal, “I want ….” Start listing what you want, but don’t stop for the whole five minutes. After awhile you’ll be amazed at what comes out of you. Wanting to be thin, etc., has a deeper want attached to it. Discover what that want is.

2. Clear Your Mind

Being too busy is a way of telling yourself you are not worth making time for. It’s a subtle form of self sabotage.

Meditating is a surprisingly easy way to take time for yourself, and it is an activity from which you can reap great rewards, but only if you do it.

There are many books written about meditation, but you can keep it simple. Just sit quietly for five minutes, close your eyes, and focus on breathing deeply, four counts in and four counts out. In and out.

3. Visualize and Feel Your Ideal Future

As hard as it is to believe, you can achieve a goal by taking time each day to focus on the experience of having achieved your goal.

Each time you visualize yourself experiencing the achievement of your goal, allow yourself to feel the feelings associated with achieving the goal.

Feel how great it is reap the rewards. By sitting quietly, visualizing, and feeling the change, you can create the change.

For those of you who think and feel this is “psychobabble,” you’re right. And for those of you who think and feel these steps will change your life, you’re right!

Your Assignment:

This week, go through this three-step process daily. While it may sound like a lot of work, you’ll find it only takes about fifteen minutes a day to execute them. And you’ll be amazed at the results. Let me know how you do!

The perfect storm for weight loss surgery people!

“It’s a chocolate martini!” the woman slurred at me with a friendly grin on her face.

She was holding out a chilled martini glass containing a dark brown liquid. I was surprised by the interesting combination — and a little curious.

“She doesn’t drink,” my sister swooped in and took the glass. “I’m sorry, Katie,” she looked at me apologetically.

My sister is one of the few people on this planet who has seen me in the grips of alcohol addiction. It’s been nearly 25 years since I had a drink, and believe me, going back to it would be about the stupidest thing I could do.

“I’m fine, Sis!” And I was. I had no intention of trying the chocolate martini.

This minor event, though, kicked off an evening I wouldn’t want to repeat anytime soon. After, bariatric surgery, avoiding alcohol,  birthday cake, brownies, and other treats at a boisterous party is, for me, a stressful task.

Yet, I’m glad I was there for my sister’s 50th birthday party. I wanted to be there for her. In part, that’s why I chose to LIVE — that’s why I had weight loss surgery.

Ironically, I spent most of the evening talking to people about drinking and food. When I tried to change the subject, someone would join in and start talking about the chocolate martinis or the lavish desserts again.

As planned, I had my one small plate of hors d’oeuvres early in the evening. I selected the protein-based treats — a few cheese cubes, a tablespoon of the chicken/artichoke dip (no crackers), and a small slice of tender roast beef.

I’m happy with this, I thought, but by midnight, I wasn’t so happy anymore.

After a woman spilled wine in my shoe, I felt my frustration bubble up. Food. Food. Food. Alcohol. Alcohol. Alcohol. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

That’s when I adopted my “Death-by-Olives” Strategy. I decided that I wanted to eat something that felt, well, a little naughty. Not sweets, not a martini, just something I wouldn’t normally have.

I perused the buffet. I could have more beef, I thought. No, that didn’t sound very fun. And then I spied the olive tray. That’s it, I thought! I love olives.

I gave myself permission to have as many olives as I wanted. I ate 6 — three green and three black. I was happy.

I think I had about 6 more olives around 2 a.m. (I needed a break from singing with the chocolate-martini woman, who had roped me, her “new sister,” into playing the American Idol video game.) It was either play American Idol or sit on the back porch and talk politics with a group of crass, inebriated men.

When the guests were leaving, an old friend of my sister’s, who has seen me through all my challenges over the years, looked warmly at me. He slurred, “Katie, you look great.”

“Thank you,” I smiled, feeling confident and at peace with myself.

“I love talking about writing with you,” he smiled back. He has been talking to me about writing for years, but has his own personal challenges that keep him from it.

“Me, too,” I agreed.

“But mostly, I envy you,” he kissed me on the cheek and left.

As I stood there watching him wobble down the hallway, I realized avoiding chocolate martinis and birthday cake isn’t deprivation at all.

It’s freedom.

There is freedom in hot tubbing with new friends who understand.

Having attended a number of NAWLS Renewal Retreats, I can honestly say I have learned way more than I thought I would. And, I am only an outsider looking in. I haven’t had weight loss surgery. I work with Katie Jay (in sort of a trained monkey/sidekick capacity;) ), and have nevertheless been charged (I should say privileged) to help coordinate our retreats.

Before our first retreat in Ocean Isle, NC in 2008, I had visions of what it might be like. I had already been working with Katie for more than a year, and so I knew that Katie’s agenda would blow everyone away. And, it did. The piece I was missing, and have since corroborated at subsequent retreats, was the glue.

The glue?

Yes, the glue. The glue is what holds it all together. The glue was, and continues to be, this outflowing of love, compassion, and understanding that fills the room like some sort of magical potion binding the women together effortlessly, requiring no speech or action. The glue simply is.

In three short days, Katie somehow creates this aura that enables women to let down their guards, rediscover themselves after WLS, set healthy and realistic goals for their future, and laugh.

Speaking of laughing, here are some other, more lighthearted lessons I have learned from Katie Jay’s retreats:

• The phenomenon of “bat wings” is a badge of honor that weight loss surgery patients can wear proudly.  Begin by flapping them at sunrise while running from the beach into a chilly October ocean.
• Almost everyone has a “mother” story.
• Thinner people don’t float as well.
• Nobody cares how many meatballs you eat.
• Guided imagery is an opportunity to erupt into hysterical laughter.
• Bathroom humor, as only WLS patients can experience it, is binding (sorry, pun intended).
• Katie really does drink peppermint tea at bedtime every day.
• Coffee filters make great pretend surgical masks.
• Last but not least, on a serious note…You can’t put a price on hope.

If you’d like to be a part of the glue, I invite you to attend our upcoming NAWLS Renewal Retreat, Embracing the REAL You!, from April 16 – 19, 2010 in Virginia Beach, Virginia. We still have a few spots open.

I want very much to help you find peace with food and to be empowered in your WLS life. That is why I developed a new, 30-day, self-guided program. I am so excited to tell you about it!

My program is called…

Weight Loss Surgery Success for Life: 30 Days to Find Peace with Food and Hope for Your Future

I say self-guided, but I want you to know that it is research-based and extremely interactive. My intention was to design a program that felt doable, purposeful, and as though I was literally holding your hand and taking you through every step of the process.

When NAWLS member Roxanne R. previewed the program she said: “Very positive! And the underlying attitude is that you can do it; here I’ll show you how and it won’t be too hard.”

The program includes:

1. A Daily Email Reminder: Each morning, you’ll receive in your email inbox a gentle reminder about the day’s action checklist. Your email message will also contain a link to my video message for that day.

2. Katie Jay’s Daily Video Message: As I said, you’ll receive a link in your email message each day to view a special video I have recorded that will cover a topic related to achieving long- term WLS success. You’ll love these videos!

3. A Printed, Spiral-Bound Action Guide (delivered to your door): This is a 60+ page, step-by-step guide with simple checklists that will move you forward gently, but surely. You’ll undergo a process that will create breakthrough moments and revelations about how to overcome: head hunger, food cravings, negative self talk, overeating, grazing, binging, sneak-eating, and more.
 
4. Audio CD (delivered to your door): A Look into Your Best Future: So You Can See it and Live it! Want to take a look at your future? Here’s your chance. My new guided imagery CD will shed new light on the bright future awaiting you. Visualization is one of the keys to long-term success. You’ll envision a future with endless possibilities.

5. Audio CD (delivered to your door): Success Basics: Lay Your WLS Program on Bedrock, so You Can Build Your Dreams Up High You’ve probably heard the parable about the man who tries to build his house upon the sand. Obviously, it didn’t work out so great. A strong foundation is critical to lasting success with anything and everything you do. When you listen to this CD, you’ll learn what it takes to create a solid and lasting WLS foundation. 

6. Audio CD (delivered to your door): How to Move Beyond WLS Basics and Create Unshakable Success Once your foundation is strong, you’ll need to discover how to master more subtle and perplexing issues that continue to impede your efforts. This CD is designed to give you the tools you need to weather all the storms that life will throw at you.

My thought-provoking interview will change the way you think about your challenges and opportunities as you experience success on your WLS journey.

This step-by-step program is based on countless hours of research and my own rewarding journey to peace with food and gratitude for my lasting transformation.

I can honestly say that today I am free from obesity and the extreme obesity mindset I suffered for so many years. That is NOT to say that I am cured or perfect. You’ve probably heard me say that I am a work in progress, but at the same time I’ve learned the secret to lasting success and have seen the incredible results in my own life.

Through notable ups and downs, I’ve managed to maintain a 180-pound weight loss for more than five years. And that’s what real maintenance is — surviving the ups and downs, and succeeding long term.

If you are at all unsure about the path you’re on and feel like you could use some hand-holding, my new Weight Loss Surgery Success for Life program is for you.

NAWLS member Katherine also previewed the program and she said: “This looks great! Each daily quote and video title made me smile in anticipation. Having seen you in action at the retreats, I know these videos will be really meaningful. The combination of video, audio, writing work and forum support is a total package that can be incorporated in everybody’s daily life. It makes you think about goals and life changing actions without being overwhelming. Good job! Sign me up.”

My Weight Loss Surgery Success for Life program is yours for an investment of $197, but NAWLS members receive 10% off.

Click here to invest in your best future now!

Take my hand. I’ve already done the research for you and I’ll show you the way. I’ll show you how to find the peace you deserve. Join me today on this incredible journey.

Never give up!

Katie

Oh, Sugar! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Yes, it’s that time of year again when our thoughts turn to chocolate and love. You may not find yourself reciting a Shakespearean sonnet to the Hershey’s company, but many of us have had a love affair with this sweet — and beguiling — treat.

I used to think more about chocolate than romance on Valentine’s Day. Even if I did actually think about a person I loved on Valentine’s Day, it would have been so that I could plan what sweet treat I was going to give them or wonder what sweet treat I was going to receive.

For WLS people, purchasing and consuming chocolate candies in order to demonstrate “our love” for someone is not only risky, it may be counter-productive to the healthy WLS program we want to live.

What if we chose to love ourselves and others more than we love chocolate?

For example, instead of giving someone you love a box of chocolates, why not give them the gift of your time and attention? Why not gently let those you love know you would prefer a gift of their time and attention rather than chocolate?

Many of life’s greatest gifts are not small, sweet, and addictive.

Long-term recovery from obesity will likely require you to reprogram many of your old beliefs – beliefs like, “I have to make valentine-shaped chocolate truffles for my friends on Valentine’s Day. If I don’t I will be letting them down,” and “giving or receiving chocolate is a good way to express love.”

You can love yourself more than you love sugar. You can love your friends and family more than you love sugar. Putting health first, especially on Valentine’s Day, is a great way to demonstrate a love far sweeter than sugar.

Your Assignment

Make a list of things you can give to those you love that are not food. Make a list of things you can give yourself as a loving gesture, too.

What are some of those things?

On a recent trip to Las Vegas, Katie Jay, Director of the National Association for Weight Loss Surgery, stopped by to meet and interview Dr. Lindsey Ricciardi, one of the authors of the new, buzz-worthy book, Obesity Surgery: Stories of Altered Lives . Here’s the interview: 

At the American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery national conference this past June, Katie Jay was interviewed, along with other leaders in the WLS community, by Leslie Thompson of the Weight Loss Surgery Channel. Listen to what Katie has to say about transfer addiction and other WLS topics:

When I was about eight years old, the coach of my summer swim team singled me out at our sunrise practice to do exercises in front of the team. I’m sure he commented on my weight, because I remember feeling humiliated, hurt, and angry.

Later that morning, when my coach was in the snack bar, I went in and ordered several candy bars in front of him. I ate them all. The candy-bar incident served two purposes: I successfully communicated to the coach, “You’re not the boss of me!” and I numbed my intensely painful feelings by eating all that sugar.

Small Bites, my weekly e-zine, goes to thousands of readers, and I’m certain almost all of you have a similar story to tell, and many of you worse stories (I have some, too.).

In the news recently is another example of cruelty toward heavy people.

You might have heard about the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animal’s (PETA’s) recent billboard, which features an obese woman in a bathing suit at the beach with the caption, “Save the Whales; Lose the Blubber, Go Vegetarian.”

The Obesity Action Coalition (OAC) has responded to this offensive billboard, and I hope you do, too, but the harm is already done. People have been hurt.

I don’t know about you, but things like this just break my heart. I can understand a person’s discomfort with obesity. I don’t like it, but I understand it. Most of us don’t want to be obese.

It’s the cruelty that gets to me.

If you want to tell PETA how you feel about this inhumane billboard, go here to learn more: www.obesityaction.org/news/2009/oacandpeta.php

I applaud the OAC for speaking out on this incident. Prejudice and cruelty to people of size is not acceptable and the more we speak out against it, the better.

I am posting this article in my blog, too. Please go there and share your comments on this article. Maybe you have a story to tell…