Fat Free Mind

By Kathy Stream

As a freelance writer for NAWLS, I find myself thrust into the WLS community.

I dove in nearly two years ago, hoping to absorb and learn and grow through osmosis or photosynthesis or something. For me, someone who has not had bariatric surgery, I was (and still am) eager to learn all I can about the procedures and the people who undergo them.

One thing I’ve learned is that mainstream America still thinks that having bariatric surgery is cheating. According to shows like the Biggest Loser, we should all just be able to work hard, eat less and achieve the pants size of our dreams.

Not that doing the work is “easy,” but the misconception is that this is the “real” way to lose, and if you have surgery, you are taking the easy way out.

What is “easy” about having major surgery? It’s a huge deal, not without risk of complications. NAWLS members continue to share with me the agonizing decision process they endured.

For example, friends and family members are not always supportive for a variety of reasons, which initially created more stress and indecision for many.

While I struggle to get rid of 25-30 myself, I have never been morbidly obese. I can only imagine my desperation to be healthy and happy if I was some 300 pounds.

In my experience, a WLS patient is not something you become for the day or for a few weeks until your follow-up appointment.

A WLS patient is someone who commits to changing their lifestyle for good. It doesn’t matter how the excess comes off, maintaining health and happiness is a daily process.

The WLS men and women I’ve met are courageous. They didn’t take the “easy” way out; they faced their fears head on. Every day, many weigh their food, map out meals, and take numerous vitamins and supplements.

The people I’ve met keep food logs, attend support group meetings, exercise, and drink lots of water. It’s not easy staying on track. Especially, for those who also struggle with emotional eating and carb addiction.

Despite the media’s portrayal of WLS patients, they are to be commended. Don’t let the turkeys get you down! During moments of weakness, remember that your NAWLS friends are a great resource and source of encouragement.

As Katie always says, “Never give up!”

By Kathy Stream, freelance writer for NAWLS. To contact Kathy for your writing needs, email her at kathy@streamwriter.biz.

In the August 2008 issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, a study was published about a powerful tool people can use to lose weight. This tool is so amazing, dieters in the study who used it lost twice as much weight. Twice as much!

You wouldn’t believe what this tool is, and even if you did believe it, would you use it? Many of the people I coach would resist.

That just blows my mind. It’s easy and it’s free - and it’s been proven again and again. But many people still resist it.

What is this tool that helps dieters double their weight loss?

Keeping a food log. Okay, so now you know. Did I hear you groaning? I could swear I heard something. If you did, I have a message for you:  Get over it!

I don’t mean to be harsh, but there are times when I have to put on my “Dr. Phil” hat. Mostly, I don’t watch his show, but when I do, my favorite line that he often uses is:  “How well is that workin’ for ya?”

So, how well is that negative attitude about keeping a food log working for you? If you have not achieved your weight-loss goal, it’s probably not working well. But, what can you do about your food-log loathing?

Go on an Attitude Diet!

It’s your job to change how you think and feel about food logs. You can change your beliefs by using any number of tools. Here are some I have used to change various beliefs that haven’t served me well:

1. Build a Bridge to a New Belief. Come up with a response to your negative thoughts about keeping a food log. If you think, “I hate keeping a food log,” then add, “but, I know it will help me reach my health goals, so I’m going to do it anyway.” Over time, you can drop the first thought (”I hate keeping a food log.”) and focus on the second one. Then add more.

“I know this food log will help me reach my health goals, and I feel proud of myself for keeping it.” Keep modifying and improving your statement until it is your primary belief. One day you might surprise yourself with this thought, “I love keeping a food log! The data I am collecting is really useful - and I’m losing weight much more quickly than before.”

2. Use Visualization. Another technique that is proven to help you move forward with a goal is visualization. So, take a few minutes (2 or 3, even), close your eyes, and visualize yourself writing in your food log - and enjoying it. Visualize yourself reviewing your log, having valuable insights, and feeling thrilled with your weight loss. Enjoy this time. It’s your future.

3. Do it until you Want to Do it. Sometimes you just need to make a commitment and do something for a period of time. Find an accountability buddy (maybe from your weight loss surgery support group) and agree that the two of you will keep food logs for a month. Check in with each other regularly to confirm you are keeping your commitment. See how you feel after the month is over. Think about what you have learned. Have you lost weight?

There is one thing to keep in mind with your food log: The more information you collect, the better. Here are some things you can include:

1. Have you lab work measured before you start logging your food, and test it again on regular intervals.

2. Record the quantities of food you are eating (I use a food scale and love it).

3. Take your body measurements. Sometimes we lose inches even when we’re not losing weight.

4. Record your mood before and after you eat, and identify your predominant mood on each day.

5. Test your blood-glucose level.

6. Rate your hunger on a scale of 1-10 before each meal.

7. Write down how much activity or exercise you are doing, and the type.

Why Track All this Stuff?

You will make amazing discoveries about yourself and the way you eat. I learned I am always hungrier the five days before my period, so I adjusted my food plan accordingly. I also learned that when I am eating sugar, my predominant moods were lower overall (in other words, I got depressed).

What Will You Learn?

It’s not about judging yourself! It’s about learning how you tick, and how different foods affect you. It’s a great tool! Even if you don’t think you’re going to like it - you may LOVE what you find out. And, like the study suggests, you’re likely to lose twice as much weight.

Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Luke Skywalker looked into Darth Vader’s eyes and found the good in his father.Luke said, “The Emperor hasn’t driven the good from you completely.”

Vader denied him, insisting, “You don’t know the power of the dark side.”

This scene reminds me of the many times in my life I have endured the loving words of a friend or family member who sought to convince me that they believed in me — saw the good in me — and that they knew I would overcome my obesity.

Of course, like Vader, I would defend the darkness, saying, “I’ve tried everything, but nothing has worked. You don’t know the power of this disease,” or, “I just don’t know if I have another weight loss in me. And besides, I can’t stop overeating. I’m a failure.”

I Could Not See What Others Saw in Me

You see, as I suffered in my illness, I felt so much shame and self loathing I could not see the part of me others saw as good.

I could not see my courage, despite my years of valiant attempts to overcome my problem.

I could not see my perseverance, as I painstakingly tried every diet known to man.

I could not see my honesty, as I continued to seek help from professional after professional by admitting my problem and asking for help to overcome it.

I could not see my value, as I tirelessly raised my son and took care of my dying mother.

I could not see my attractiveness, as I lived with a man who loved me unconditionally.

Writing Down my Story Improved my Vision

I wrote the first part of my book, Dying to Change: My Really Heavy Life Story, during the months leading up to my weight loss surgery.

Writing down my thoughts and experiences helped me to understand how inaccurately I had viewed myself over the years.

I had been thinking I was a miserable failure — a bad person who couldn’t control her behavior. But, after thinking and writing about it, I realized I was looking at myself and my life in the wrong light.

I also realized that if I continued to think negatively of myself, I would have a much harder time being successful after weight loss surgery.

The Most Radical Change of All

Of course the most radical change I needed to make was how I viewed myself.

Vader could not see the good in himself. It took him a long time to be able to admit his own goodness.

Likewise, it has taken me a lifetime of work to get to the point where I can see my courage, my good, my value.

I Am Not the Miserable Failure I Thought I Was

I am the wounded hero, valiantly pushing forward. Nothing is going to stop me, and I have been proving that all my life.

Obesity Hasn’t Driven the Good from You Completely

While most people who struggle with obesity see their lives as one failure after another, we are not failures. We are people who persevere, seek answers, try new tools, and succeed.

The success doesn’t lie in the numbers on the scale. It lies in our decision to get up one more time than we fall.

Love Conquers All

Ultimately, Vader was able to escape the power of the dark side, because of the love he had for his son.

WLS patients can escape the dark forces by embracing love in their lives, self love and the love of others.

It is from a place of love that we can see the good in ourselves and what we have set out to accomplish.

Just when we think it’s going to be a slow news day, we learn that Jessica Simpson is putting on weight. The Blagojevich scandal will have to take a back burner to Jessica’s reported weight problem as recent photos of her at a Florida concert emerge.

If this is newsworthy, then I guess I need to take a long break from watching the news!
 
Of course, what makes the story news is that it is Jessica Simpson. Yes, that is true. However, what frustrates me is the way in which our society continues to glorify sugar while vilifying obesity.
 
Ironically, the press embarrasses Simpson in television reports, and then takes a break for commercials that peddle sweet indulgences.

When I speak to a weight loss surgery support group about the addictive nature of sugar, and about the threat it poses to maintaining weight loss, I sometimes get a very negative reaction.

Criticizing sugar is like kicking puppies. People get mad.

America loves sugar. We may be more label conscious than we were twenty years ago, but we still hold fast to sugar’s sweet, sedative-like properties that comfort us when we’ve had a bad day. And, when we celebrate an “extra-special” occasion like a birthday or anniversary, or hit a stressful patch in our lives, who do we turn to? Our friend Sugar.
 
And, as we shovel it in as fast as our sporks will allow, we are all the while contemplating the newest fad diet that will immediately extricate the fat before it settles on our thighs. In fact, Simpson may be getting ready to sign a contract with one of the many nationally recognized weight-loss programs. I hope she isn’t.
 
Simpson is not even remotely close to being obese. Yet society has already labeled her.
 
As a WLS patient and obesity survivor, I know that while I am lovable now, I was just as lovable when I weighed 331 pounds — despite what the mainstream media would have to say about me. And so is Jessica.

I recently attended my second Renewal Retreat by the National Association for Weight Loss Surgery (NAWLS). I wasn’t a participant per se. Actually, I am a freelance writer/editor who Director Katie Jay sometimes hires for assorted projects. Over the years, our friendship has blossomed, and I guess you could say that if Katie were Oprah, I’d be her Gayle.

And, in the role of Gayle, I joined Katie at the Florida nurses’ retreat just a few weeks ago. I had planned to provide whatever support my friend needed, while she provided weight loss surgery support to the women who attended. My role included on-site personal chef. Fortunately, everyone seemed to love the food, and I didn’t set off any smoke detectors.

For this writer-turned-chef, I was content to play a peripheral role, all the while hoping to pick up a stray tidbit of applicable sage advice. I was hoping for a snippet. Something you jot down on the back of your napkin because you left your workbook in the other room. (Incidentally, instead of my name, Katie put “Super Chick” on the outside of my workbook–a testament to her loving and gracious nature.)

And what I learned that weekend from my dear friend Katie, and all the other awe-inspiring ladies I met there, would require more than a napkin in its dictation.

It is so funny how life works. I have not even had weight loss surgery, but I found myself immediately identifying with a number of the women at the retreat who have had it. The common denominator of the women who attended–myself included–is that we continue to struggle with the skeletons in our closets that very often haunt us and cause us to overeat.

Much to my surprise and wonderment, I learned that the key to happiness means laying to rest these old bones. I learned to say goodbye to some emotional baggage from years past. And, lastly, I learned that I can be victorious in all areas of my life–which is more than I bargained for; I was going to be content with a few scribbles on the back of my napkin.

Weight loss surgery support is critical; and to me this video explains why. Enjoy!

I just love this recent Daily Inspiration from NAWLS! Thought I’d share it here…

Say, “Weeee!”

How often do you truly have fun — just surrender to a moment and let yourself experience child-like curiosity or playfulness? “Weeee Moments” are moments when you decide to let go of inhibition and be human, not in a self-destructive way, but in a pure-hearted way.

A “Weeee Moment” could be surprising an unsuspecting stranger with a smile; dropping an egg on the kitchen floor, because you want to see what happens; going for a walk in the rain; eating with your fingers; going bungee jumping. It’s a moment when you give up your negativity, distrust, skepticism, and self loathing. “Weeee Moments” are FREE moments.

Action for the day: Surrender to a “Weeee Moment” today, even if you just wear funny socks or spend the day daring your friends or coworkers to make you laugh out loud.

© 2009, Katie Jay. All rights reserved. To attend Katie Jay’s next retreat, It’s Time to Fall in Love with Yourself, visit www.nawls.com and click on “Retreats and Events.” This one-of-a-kind event will take place in Dana Point, CA, on the oceanfront.

My family watched the movie Rudy a few weeks ago. In it, a young man who had learning challenges, and an unsupportive family, had a strong desire to play football for Notre Dame.

The things he went through to make that dream a reality are truly amazing. He never gave up. He worked hard, took plenty of abuse, and kept going even when he thought failure was certain.

While he eventually made the football team, he participated in only one play, during the last football game of the season, in his senior year.

If you study football history, Rudy would not be considered a successful player. Only one play in his entire football career?

But to me he is a hero.

I spoke at a weight loss surgery support conference last weekend and met many wonderful people. Several of them asked me why I am so successful with my gastric bypass surgery. They wanted to know my SECRET.

I find this question difficult to answer. First of all, what is the definition of success? For me, it includes not having a high A1C reading (a test for diabetes). It also includes fitting into a certain pair of pants that I love. Not being depressed (I get depressed when I eat sugar.) And not obsessing about food 24/7. Oh yeah, and taking my vitamins.

I am such a perfectionist, I don’t always see myself as successful. I see every misstep and every flaw. If you want to know the truth, I feel like Rudy — trying my best, but with many challenges.

I harbor an unrealistic idea that perfection equals success.

And I want to change that belief — so I am working on doing just that. Instead of allowing myself to believe that perfection is success, I am actively working on adopting these beliefs:

• Success is remaining on the team, even if I’m not the best player.
• Success is building up my strengths, so that my weaknesses don’t prevail.
• Success is showing up for training: learning new skills, experimenting with a variety of techniques, and practicing.
• Success is continuing on — even when I am hurting or tired.

When I think about Rudy’s approach to reaching his goals, and not about being perfect, I know I am successful.

So, my secret to success isn’t a formula for being perfect, it is an attitude of perseverance and a willingness to be imperfect. It’s the willingness to show up for the game with the ever-present belief that someday I’ll get to play.

The story of Pandora, a character in Greek mythology, is a great metaphor for my weight loss surgery journey. At first gastric bypass felt like a gift, but then I opened “Pandora’s Box,” and a host of horrors sprung out.

When I had weight loss surgery, I wish I had been cured instantly of my food obsession and compulsion to overeat, but that has not been the case. I enjoyed a small reprieve in the early days after my surgery, but then… Well, let’s take a closer look at Pandora…

Pandora was sent to Earth as a gift. When I had my weight loss surgery, I felt as if I had been given a gift. I experienced “the miracle” — a period of time when weight loss came easily, healthy-food choices were a breeze, and my eating felt in control.

When Pandora arrived on Earth, the titan Epimetheus fell in love with her. Like Epimetheus, I fell in love with my surgery. I secretly believed bariatric surgery was a cure. Not because I logically knew it was a cure, but because I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to go back to my old, burdened life.

Epimetheus soon realized Pandora brought a dowry, a box full of horrors, which no one was supposed to open. My weight loss surgery came with a dowry, too. I was encouraged not to indulge in sugar and refined carbohydrates — the primary cause of my obesity. And for a long time, I didn’t. But there the box sat, tempting me.

Pandora’s curiosity got the better of her and she opened the box, releasing all the misfortunes of mankind. My curiosity got the better of me, too. Could I now handle foods I used to struggle with? I felt in control. Surely I could have one bite.

I remember savoring my first bite of chocolate about 18 months after my surgery. While I didn’t lose control over night, I had opened that “box” and before long yucky stuff started to come out. As I ate more and more sugar and refined carbs, I got depressed, regained weight, and became overwhelmed by food cravings — which I could not resist.

I feared I would never get the box closed again.

In Pandora’s story, after all the tragedy and suffering was released, one final thing fluttered out of the box — hope. When I was in my darkest moment, after my miracle ended, I felt a faint stirring in my heart.

Sure, I had gone back to an old self-destructive way of eating and living — and I was devastated — but deep down I knew I didn’t have to stay there. I knew there was still hope.

Pandora had no control over what was in her box. I didn’t have control either — including control over what was good in my life. As I sought weight loss surgery support from every resource I could find, I discovered hope is a gift I can’t deny. I embraced the idea that hope is mine, too.

I became determined to close that box! To do that, I started sharing what I was doing (that was sabotaging my recovery) with a safe, nonjudgmental person, who would encourage me and support me. With persistant attempts to get off sugar and refined carbs, I eventually succeeded. And I have lost what I regained. It feels like a miracle, but I know it’s not. It’s the result of keeping and open mind, and starting over as often as necessary.

If you find yourself feeling out of control with your eating, remember you have hope. If you have gotten into a negative pattern with your eating or with your living, know that you can make a change. You can claim hope as your gift.

And remember, opening your own Pandora’s Box is a choice. When I made that choice I regretted it; and I learned a powerful lesson about acceptance and self love. Now, I am making a different choice and my life is better in ways too numerous to count. This can happen for you, too. Never give up!

My imperfect desktop (and my helpful cat, Lucy).

We can probably all relate to the joy we feel when we clean out our closet. As we begin sorting through the piles of dirty and unfamiliar clothing, we tell ourselves that we will never again let the closet get in such disarray.

Maybe you are super organized and have all your clothes sorted by color and like items. If you are a Miss Tidy, I commend you. Organization is a great skill to possess. However, for many of us keeping our closet that neat for a prolonged period of time is simply unrealistic. I know people who crave that level of perfectionism, and, because they can’t quite reach that level, they simply give up. It becomes a very black-and-white issue for them. Because they can’t attain perfectionism, they don’t even try to maintain a semblance of order.

Perfectionism is a terrible thing. I see it affect so many people — myself included. And now that we have begun a new year, I see an increase in unrealistic goal setting with regard to our weight loss surgery lifestyles. WLS friends come to me and say things like, “This time I’m not going to slip up,” and, “I’m cutting out all refined carbs for good.” On the surface, these may seem like worthy and ambitious goals; and, I certainly would not want to discourage anyone who is so highly motivated. The problem is that we often set ourselves up for failure when we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves.

Fortunately, a consequence of a less-than-perfect closet means you spend an extra 10 minutes in the morning looking for a shoe. Or, you wear the red sweater to work because you can’t find the blue one.

When it comes to our weight loss surgery lifestyle, the consequences of our actions are much more severe. When we substitute perfectionism for an “I give up” attitude, we make ourselves vulnerable to weight regain, depression, isolation, and more.

Instead of reaching for perfectionism this year or any year, try setting goals that are clearly defined and quantifiable. For example, maybe your goal is to lose 20 more pounds in 2009. Mark your progress gradually over time, and try to be kind to yourself when you occasionally stumble. We all do from time-to-time; not one of us is perfect. And we have our closets to prove it.

Katie Jay is Director of the National Association for Weight Loss Surgery. She lives with her family (including her cat Lucy) in Wilmington, NC.