Fat Free Mind

When I opened the back door this morning to let Ruby the Dog out, cold air whooshed in. A gust of excitement blew through me as I ran to check the remote thermometer we keep in our living room.

“Thirty-two degrees outside!” I called to Ruby, who was now sniffing around in the backyard.

“Yes! It’s a real blue-sweater day,” I smiled.

In Wilmington, NC, where I live, you don’t get a lot of really cold days. For those of us who have moved here from the north, that means our opportunities to wear our warm winter clothes are limited. Very limited.

All last week, as I drove around town getting in and out of my car at various stores, I sweated in the seventy-degree weather. (And the humidity was horrible. Each morning, I valiantly straightened my naturally-kinky hair and left for my Christmas errands. It took only one errand to render my hair fuzzy again.)

My clothing choices were limited to t-shirts and blouses (even in the evening!), and while I like them, I get sick of them. They don’t appeal to me as much this time of year, because I am programmed for cold winters.

I retrieved my sweaters and coats from the attic in October. I look at them longingly in my closet each morning, eying my new blue sweater with the most yearning. I’ve worn it only once so far this season.

“That’s okay,” I encourage myself, “you’ll find something else to be happy about today.”

Before I had weight loss surgery, I was disappointed with nearly everything in my life. I lumbered around feeling discouraged all the time.

I was depressed about my messy house (that I was too obese to comfortably clean), my clothes (size 28 and not very stylish, for the most part), and the physical pain my obesity caused.

After weight loss surgery, as I worked on changing my internal dialog and my attitude, I decided I didn’t want to walk around feeling disappointed with life all the time (that’s part of my fat personality). I wanted to feel hopeful and happy.

So, instead of being disappointed about things like t-shirts and frizzy hair in winter, I decided to celebrate “blue-sweater days” instead.

Just a little shift in perspective, but what a difference it’s made in my life.

Each day I look for some little thing to be happy and excited about:  how soft the dog’s fur is after she plays in the rain; how amazing my husband’s smile is when he comes home to me after a really hard day at work; how sweet the woman at the gas station is, because when I didn’t have enough money to pay for milk she let me take it anyway.

Sweetest of all are the REAL blue-sweater days – the ones when I get to wear that beautiful, wintery wool. Today my smile will be just a little bit broader than normal. It’s thirty-two degrees outside with low humidity!

What joy will you acknowledge today?

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