Fat Free Mind

The story of Pandora, a character in Greek mythology, is a great metaphor for my weight loss surgery journey. At first gastric bypass felt like a gift, but then I opened “Pandora’s Box,” and a host of horrors sprung out.

When I had weight loss surgery, I wish I had been cured instantly of my food obsession and compulsion to overeat, but that has not been the case. I enjoyed a small reprieve in the early days after my surgery, but then… Well, let’s take a closer look at Pandora…

Pandora was sent to Earth as a gift. When I had my weight loss surgery, I felt as if I had been given a gift. I experienced “the miracle” — a period of time when weight loss came easily, healthy-food choices were a breeze, and my eating felt in control.

When Pandora arrived on Earth, the titan Epimetheus fell in love with her. Like Epimetheus, I fell in love with my surgery. I secretly believed bariatric surgery was a cure. Not because I logically knew it was a cure, but because I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to go back to my old, burdened life.

Epimetheus soon realized Pandora brought a dowry, a box full of horrors, which no one was supposed to open. My weight loss surgery came with a dowry, too. I was encouraged not to indulge in sugar and refined carbohydrates — the primary cause of my obesity. And for a long time, I didn’t. But there the box sat, tempting me.

Pandora’s curiosity got the better of her and she opened the box, releasing all the misfortunes of mankind. My curiosity got the better of me, too. Could I now handle foods I used to struggle with? I felt in control. Surely I could have one bite.

I remember savoring my first bite of chocolate about 18 months after my surgery. While I didn’t lose control over night, I had opened that “box” and before long yucky stuff started to come out. As I ate more and more sugar and refined carbs, I got depressed, regained weight, and became overwhelmed by food cravings — which I could not resist.

I feared I would never get the box closed again.

In Pandora’s story, after all the tragedy and suffering was released, one final thing fluttered out of the box — hope. When I was in my darkest moment, after my miracle ended, I felt a faint stirring in my heart.

Sure, I had gone back to an old self-destructive way of eating and living — and I was devastated — but deep down I knew I didn’t have to stay there. I knew there was still hope.

Pandora had no control over what was in her box. I didn’t have control either — including control over what was good in my life. As I sought weight loss surgery support from every resource I could find, I discovered hope is a gift I can’t deny. I embraced the idea that hope is mine, too.

I became determined to close that box! To do that, I started sharing what I was doing (that was sabotaging my recovery) with a safe, nonjudgmental person, who would encourage me and support me. With persistant attempts to get off sugar and refined carbs, I eventually succeeded. And I have lost what I regained. It feels like a miracle, but I know it’s not. It’s the result of keeping and open mind, and starting over as often as necessary.

If you find yourself feeling out of control with your eating, remember you have hope. If you have gotten into a negative pattern with your eating or with your living, know that you can make a change. You can claim hope as your gift.

And remember, opening your own Pandora’s Box is a choice. When I made that choice I regretted it; and I learned a powerful lesson about acceptance and self love. Now, I am making a different choice and my life is better in ways too numerous to count. This can happen for you, too. Never give up!

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